Engaging Ideals

At this very moment, my brain is desperately trying to process the information it just received. For years, I've had friends that were still single; however, during the last 8 months, the last 4 single women I knew have all gotten engaged...in fact, 3 of them were engaged within the last week & 2 were engaged within the last 2 days!

This knowledge is simply shocking to me; while I know that this is the natural circle of life, the fact that I am the very last single girl I know is quite surreal. This reality compells me to rexamine my life. Although I am quite happy that my friends have found that someone to be their best friend & grow old with...I am also torn by feelings of sadness and jealousy (if I'm being quite honest).

I was recently reminded of I Corinthians 7 - this chapter speaks about the differences in being married & unmarried in regards to the things of God. Paul makes some major plus points for staying unmarried as he was; he even says "But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this." On this point, I definitely agree; every couple I know has unresolved troubles that they deal with on a daily basis.

In addition, Paul also says this:
32 I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord.
33 But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife
34 and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband.
35 I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.

To me, this is the major part of the chapter that stands out. I have always been free to do whatever I feel the Lord is asking me to do whenever He asks me to do it. Whether that direction is to go visit a friend, pray at any time of the day, make a gift for someone, bless someone with money or a purchasd gift - all of these things I can do freely without having to give an explanation to anyone. If I were to meet someone & get married, would this change? God & His leadings would no longer be my only concern...not quite sure how I feel about that.

For most of my life, I have longed to be married...probably due to the loss of my father - who, in my opinion, was a spectacular husband to my mother. The thought of never having what I have looked forward to for over 20 years is a sobering thought; and one that I think I will leave for another day.

As I read back over the words I've written, I almost feel bad about being ungrateful for the wonderful life that I have now. God has been so good to me & blessed me with so many wonderful things and friendships. Moreover, He has allowed me to be a blessing to those around me...I would not change that for the world. For as long as I can remember, my goal in life was simply to help others in whatever capacity was needed; I just want to help. I always thought that the ultimate fulfillment of that longing to help would be to get married - since the woman was given as a help-mate to man, but perhaps that is not my calling.

As hard as it is to admit, I would rather give up that ideal than give up my usefulness to God. While I know this may not be an either-or issue, these are the things I think about. I resolve to continue walking in His footsteps wherever they may lead.